


Maybe It's Just Me (But You Look Really Good Tonight)

by SlimeQueen



Category: Bandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-23 21:38:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1580435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlimeQueen/pseuds/SlimeQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Gabe sees the boy, it’s during a Midtown show. Gabe knows immediately that he wants to marry him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe It's Just Me (But You Look Really Good Tonight)

 

The first time Gabe sees the boy, it’s during a Midtown show. He can’t be more than 16, and his hair is long. His frame is tall and slender, and it rocks back and forth with the music in perfect synch. Maybe it’s the buzz he’s got going from the vodka he’d had earlier, but Gabe immediately thinks, “That’s the most beautiful human being I’ve ever seen.” After the show, Gabe wades through the crowd looking for him, but he’s gone.

This happens over and over. The boy shows up at the shows, but by the time Gabe can look for him, he’s gone. One night, maybe it’s because he’s drunk, but Gabe swears he’s going to marry the boy.

The next time he sees the boy, he stops mid-song and stares. The boy’s eyes open and he stares back, but the venue’s lights are too dark to see the color of them. Gabe catches himself and continues the song. After Midtown’s done, he packs his bass quickly and runs to where he’d seen the boy.

He’s standing there, and he looks like he’s waiting for someone. Up close, Gabe realizes the boy’s only a few inches shorter than him, but much more feminine. He immediately introduces himself as “Gabe Saporta from Midtown” but then wants to hit himself in the face because _of course_ the guy knows he’s Gabe from Midtown, he comes to all their shows.

 “William Beckett!” The guy shouts to be heard over the next set, and Gabe thinks that it’s the perfect name.

Then a girl sidles up to William and introduces herself as Christine, then kisses William on the lips.

Gabe’s heart almost combusts.

He excuses himself and mutters “fuck” as soon as he’s out the door. The Chicago air is frigid and unforgiving, and all he wants is to forget meeting William Beckett, but the slender figure, the low slung jeans, and the mile long legs don’t leave Gabe’s thoughts for a while.

Eventually, memories of William fade to the back of his mind.

*****

Midtown starts touring farther and farther, and the opening bands are small, so Gabe doesn’t bother to remember most of their names. When they meet the openers for the first time, he finds William Beckett again. He’s a lead singer now, and their little band has just started out. He reintroduces himself to Gabe, mentioning, “We met once, a long time ago at a Midtown show.” But he doesn’t need to say that. Gabe remembers. Gabe remembers almost too well.

The Academy Is… are decent, but they've got a ways to go. Gabe makes friends with them and slowly gets to know William.

He discovers he and Christine are off and on, (off at that moment) and that William has big dreams for TAI… Gabe acknowledges the way they get along, the exact opposite of Midtown, who fight daily.

William and the rest of the Academy guys become a refuge for him from his band, and he spends most of his time on the Academy van, squished between Sisky, who’s only 14 and Mike, who has soft hair and a serious-business look in his eyes. When TAI lose their guitarist and drummer, Gabe fills in for guitar a few times.

William’s stage presence is wicked and seductive, and he drapes his long frame all over Gabe. When they get Tom Conrad and Andy Mrotek, he’s almost sorry.

At the last show of the tour, all the bands are backstage playing Truth or Dare. It’s Gabe’s turn, so he chooses dare.

“I dare you to… kiss William.” Tyler says, and Gabe leans forward to do so, when he catches William’s eyes. They’re brown and wide with alarm, and Gabe can tell he’s never kissed another boy before.

He slowly leans forward and presses their lips together in a close-mouthed kiss. William’s mouth feels right, as if it belongs against his, and maybe it’s the pot he’d smoked earlier, but Gabe wants to kiss him again.

He doesn’t.

Then the tour ends and they return to Chicago, but he has William’s number this time.

He sends a text, an innocent _“what’s up?”_ to William a few days after they get back, and William responds that he’s hanging out with Christine and that they’re back together. Gabe wants to break something.

Then Midtown falls apart and Gabe takes some time off. He’s never been a spiritual or a hippie, but he finds himself in the desert anyways. One day, high out of his mind on peyote, he wonders if William and Christine are still together. They’d been so off and on for the past two years that Gabe doesn’t even bother to keep track anymore. Maybe it’s the peyote, but Gabe kind of wants William and Christine to break up.

When he gets back to civilization, he has a new plan and new ideas. He writes Bring It (Snakes on a Plane) and When the City Sleeps in no time, sleeping at most three hours a night. The chorus for Bring It is perfect for William, and Gabe would know- he wrote it specifically for him.

William is ecstatic to hear about Cobra Starship, and when he sees Gabe for the first time after he went on his vision quest, he wraps Gabe in a long hug. Gabe almost chokes on his own saliva because William’s gotten even more attractive in the past few months.

When they meet Maya and Travis, Gabe is slightly jealous of the way William smiles and talks to them with familiarity. It’s Gabe that’s known him for two years, not them.

Then Cobra releases their first album and The Academy Is… go on tour with them. The two bands fit together perfectly, and sharing a connection through their lead singers. Everyone gets along freakishly well, and they all become best friends quickly.

They’re playing truth or dare in the back of a venue before a show, and maybe Gabe’s had a drink too many when Sisky dares William to kiss him. William shrugs because it’s not a big deal. They’ve kissed before.

He plants a quick kiss on Gabe’s mouth. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but when he pulls away, Gabe leans forward again and presses their lips together again, hands cupping William’s face clumsily.

This kiss is longer, and Gabe can’t help but think, “finally, fucking finally,” and William’s mouth is soft and hesitant, and it’s possibly the hottest thing Gabe’s ever seen.

They’re making out, and Gabe feels inexperienced because his tongue feels clumsy and thick as it slides into William’s mouth. Then someone catcalls and William pulls away, blush dark on his face. He clears his throat and announces, “We should probably get ready for our show.”

The bands hastily get up and pretend it never happened, and for that, Gabe is thankful. The rush of the kiss wears off and Gabe wants to smack himself in the face. Why the fuck did he do that?

The awkwardness passes slowly, and William and Gabe both pretend it never happened. Then Gabilliam becomes a thing, and they both start working to make it as real as possible for the fans. They hang out together, take pictures and post them together, and one day, William grabs his face and kisses him without warning. TomRad catching it on his ever present camera and the blurry picture goes around the internet

Gabe’s dazed after he pulls away and he excuses himself to the bathroom, sliding a hand into his pants as soon as he locks the stall door. He jerks off as quietly as he can, teeth clenched, lips tingling from the kiss, and he thinks only of William- is hips, his slender hands, his pink lips, and Gabe cums hard, heat spilling into his hands.

Afterwards, he washes his hands and stares at himself in the mirror. He’s always had insomnia problems, but touring makes them worse, so the shadows under his eyes are dark, and his frame’s thin under his purple hoodie. He really needs to drink less and sleep more.

****

It’s the Honda Civic Tour ’07 and they’re on tour with Fall Out Boy. They have a bus for the first time, and The Academy Is… are touring with them again. Fans come with Gabilliam signs. William doesn't talk about it, but he flirts shamelessly with Gabe for the cameras, and Gabe can’t help but love every fucking second of it.

Pete doesn't help, calling Gabe “fucking whipped” whenever the subject comes up. That’s the exact argument they’re having on the Fall Out Boy bus when Gabe is about to admit that _maybe_ he’s _kind of_ attracted to William when Pete gives him a look that says, “Shut the fuck up right now.”

Gabe spins around and shuts his mouth in time to see William walk in, stony faced, jaw clenched. “Christine.” He mutters softy, “She’s pregnant.”

Gabe feels like throwing up.

It turns out that yes, Christine is very pregnant, and 5 months along from the last time she and William had been together. Gabe excuses himself quietly to go punch something and possibly drink himself into oblivion.

He’s doing just that when William slips into the bus later that night and sits down silently next to him. Gabe takes one look at the grim expression on his face and makes him a coke and vodka, heavy on the vodka, which William takes gratefully and downs in quick gulps, wrinkling his nose cutely afterwards because of the alcohol.

They drink the entire handle of vodka that night, and when Gabe wakes up the next morning, he’s naked in the back lounge. His head pounds as he looks around. The sunlight filtering in the windows is too bright on his sensitive eyes, but he manages to find William next to him, equally naked.

“Fuck.” Gabe whispers, because he can feel the stickiness of cum drying on his stomach.

William sits up abruptly and blinks slowly, confusedly. He looks at Gabe.

“Did we-?” he asks, and Gabe simply nods. “And Christine is-?” again, Gabe nods. His throat feels tight, like he can’t get enough air.

“I think I was kind of hoping for that when I came here last night.” William admits after a while, reaching for his pants, which are in a pile on the floor with his other clothes.

“I think maybe I was too.” Gabe mutters quietly, his fingers twisting nervously.

They end up having sex again, only they’re completely sober this time. For the rest of the Honda Civic Tour, it becomes routine for them, sneaking off to have sex as much as possible. Gabe knows for a fact that the second the tour is over, William will stop and he’ll go be a father for his new “family”, so Gabe enjoys it while he can. They both keep it a secret, and Gabe finds it thrilling, how no one knows about them fucking. Still, he’s kind of smug because it’s _his_ name William moans when he orgasms, not Christine’s.

The tour ends and both The Academy and Cobra have new albums out, so they’re both busy as fuck, but in the midst of it all, Genevieve Dylan Beckett is born, and Gabe and William haven’t spoken in months.

Gabe pretends he’s fine, pretends that he can sleep at night, pretends that he’s in love with Bianca, pretends that William Beckett was nothing but a summer fling. Under it all though, he’s running on coffee and alcohol, he sees William whenever he closes his eyes, and moans William’s name when he has sex with Bianca. And because she’s Bianca, and she’s too fucking nice, she stomachs it for him.

It’s sometime before Christmas when he gets a call and it’s William. His voice is soft and hesitant, but it’s his Bilvy, and Gabe wants to reach through the phone and pull William to him.

“I’m kind of going crazy. The Sleeping with Giants tour just ended and I just can’t stay here. I’m fucking suffocating. I’m going insane.” William’s breathing is heavy over the line and Gabe’s getting a little worried, wondering if he’s hyperventilating.

“William, Bilvy, calm down.” William squeaks in response, so Gabe continues, “Guillermo, you need to take a deep breath and chill out. I’m going to be there by tomorrow, okay? I want you to call Carden or Sisky right now and tell them to get their asses over there right now.”

William takes a deep breath, and after a second of silence, he mutters, “I need to see you Gabanti.”

Gabe ignores his boner and tells him to hold on. He hangs up and immediately goes to buy plane tickets.

***

He’s in Chicago the night, and the wind is as cold as he remembers. He gets to the apartment and Christine is the one who greets him with a frosty glare and a baby in her arms.

“He’s over there.” Is all she says, nodding to the guest room that Gabe’s stayed in a thousand times when he crashed at William’s.

William’s hunched over on his bed, staring at his song writing journal, glasses perched on his nose, hair falling into his face. Gabe locks the door behind him.

“You came.” William smiles tiredly.

Gabe slides under the covers with him and snatches the book away, throwing it halfway across the room.

“You think too much.” Gabe says simply, pulling the overly skinny frame closer to him. There, ensconced in William’s guest duvet, on a cold day in Chicago, William whispers, “I love you.” To Gabe and Gabe thinks his heart might stop, but he manages to murmur “ _Te amo_ ” back. And then they have sex again for the first time in months, and the fact that they have to be quiet because of Christine and Genevieve in the next room makes it so much more intense.

After, William’s regaining his breath when Gabe says very seriously, “Let’s run away together.”

William takes one look at him and bursts out giggling. “I’m serious!” he protests, and maybe it’s Gabe’s sleep deprived consciousness speaking, but he really is.

“Shut up.” William laughs.

Gabe wraps his arms around him and whispers lowly in his ear, “We could, you know. We could live in Uruguay and have a farm and raise llamas by day, and make love all night long.” William shakes his head and mutters, “You’re ridiculous, Gabriel.”

“But you love me anyways.” Gabe fires back because he can. The word tastes sweet on his tongue. Love.

Then they go another round, and another in the shower.

By the time they come out of the guest room, it’s 4 AM and they’re both too hungry to do anything else. They find cold pizza in the fridge, and Gabe tells him, “If we lived together, we could do this every night. Have sex and then eat pizza late at night. Sleep in in the morning. We wouldn't have to worry about anything.”

William sighs wistfully and opens his mouth to respond when they hear crying, and William goes into Christine’s room, leaving Gabe alone with his pizza.

When he returns, he has Evie in his arms, and Gabe knows immediately that his fantasies with William will never happen, because William’s eyes are full of adoration when he looks at his daughter, and Gabe can never compete with that.

Gabe wants to throw up, he wants to run out of the apartment building, and he wants to cry, but because he loves William, he does none of those. He sucks it up and stays for the rest of the week, and halfway through the next, but he has to leave a few days before Christmas. William cries, and Gabe holds him tightly for hours, just whispering “I love you, I love you,” over and over, meaning it with every ounce of his being.

****

He leaves, and he doesn’t see William for a few months. Then one day, the Cobra bus pulls up to a party on their night off and the Academy bus is there too. It’s New York, right before Warped Tour ’08 and William has gotten even more attractive than before. Gabe avoids William, sliding into a barstool between Sisky and Butcher. They both immediately ask him, “Where’s Bill?” as if Gabe’s his mother or something.

Gabe shakes his head bitterly, because Carden had told him earlier that William and Christine were back together. Gabe downs drink after drink, every swallow that burns his throat bringing back memories of red bite marks on hot, pale skin, kiss swollen lips, high moans, and slender fingers tightening in his hair.

Gabe drinks and pretends like he doesn't remember any of it, until suddenly he’s on the empty Academy bus with William, who is staring at him and chewing on his lower lip nervously. Gabe is too drunk to do anything except fuck now, so he does, and it’s so fucking good, because William’s body is hot and tight and inviting, because he’s allowed to cum inside him, because people could come into the back lounge at any minute and catch them, and because it’s William, who he’s missed so much.

Afterwards, right before he passes out, he has enough consciousness to think, “Fuck, he’s back with Christine.”

When he wakes up, he’s in what he assumes is a spare bunk on the Academy bus, and they’re in motion. He ducks out of the bunk and finds Chizz to be the only one in the bunk area. Michael looks up and gives him a weird look, which Gabe doesn't understand the meaning of until he looks down at himself. He’s naked.

He struts shamelessly to the back lounge and finds the rest of the band, nearly making Sisky spit out his coffee with his nakedness. William’s still sleeping, his head resting in Carden’s lap.

Mike raises an eyebrow in question, and Gabe nods once. He hands Gabe’s clothes back to him, still not saying anything. It’s the exact opposite of Sisky, who’s chattering annoyingly, asking over and over why he was on their bus until Butcher, who had been sketching a picture of Sisky, tells him to shut the fuck up and sit down.

Gabe slides on his clothes and slips off the bus at the next rest stop. The Cobras don’t question him, but Victoria gives him a knowing look.

The next time he sees William is at the Warped ’08 kickoff, and William and Christine are broken up again. William insists on being onstage with Cobra during some performances, and they start fucking every single week of Warped. The entire summer is filled with William and sex.

Then TAI’s new album comes out, and Gabe listens to “About a Girl” every single fucking day because he knows it’s about him. “ _I’m not in love, This is not my heart, I’m not gonna waste these words about a girl…”_ The song basically screams I don’t love Christine. And then he hears “After the Last Midtown Show” and Gabe nearly chokes because after the last time Midtown performed was the first time he and William had kissed.

At the end of Warped, William finally confronts him. “We need to stop.” He declares, and Gabe wants to stab something because he doesn't _want_ to stop, but he doesn’t do anything except nod tightly as he continues, “I have responsibilities and you do too. What we’re doing, it’s not right. I need to be there for Evie.” Gabe nods and says he gets it, and William hugs him with relieved sigh.

Seconds later, their clothes are on the floor and Gabe has three fingers inside William.

“A-after this.” William pants, “We need to quit this.”

Gabe swallows his pain and nods again.

They fuck, but it’s not like before, when everything was hot and rushed. This time, it’s slow and warm and lazy, filled with soft kisses up William’s spine and hushed, “I love you”‘s against Gabe’s inner thigh. When Gabe leaves the Academy bus, the heat of the Warped grounds suffocates him slowly.

****

Then he’s back in New York, and Cobra’s recording Hot Mess. 2009 passes without him seeing William much, except for a few awkward times at parties where they don’t speak and avoid each other.

Slowly, Gabe can sleep again without having a long chocolate mane, pale skin, and doe eyes haunting his dreams. Then Pete asks him if he wants to sing a part for a song in Folie a Deux, singing “Grand Theft Autumn”. He accepts immediately because he owes Fall Out Boy so much.

At the studio, he finds a bunch of people he knows. He’s catching up with Travis, who’s singing “Sugar We’re Goin’ Down”, when he hears an all too familiar voice nervously say, “Hey…”

The memories he’s almost forgotten come rushing back as he turns to face William Beckett.

He turns away again and excuses himself, then goes to talk to Alex DeLeon. The Cab’s singer is friendly enough, but Gabe’s vision keeps drifting to William. When they record, Gabe thinks that William’s part, when he sings “Growing Up” is the most beautiful.

As soon as they’re done, Gabe goes to the bathroom and jerks off quickly, thinking of William and wanting desperately not to.

Afterwards, he washes his hands and wonders why his life is so complicated.

****

2010, TAI are touring, singing songs from Lost in Pacific Time, and Gabe’s sure that “New York (Saints in the City)” is about him and the lazy days they’d spent together during Warped ’08.

Everything starts to fall apart. Fall Out Boy is gone, and Gabe’s band family is basically gone without them and The Academy Is…

Cobra Starship makes new friends outside their usual scene, people who are less homosexual and trashier, and Gabe wants to cry because he misses his stupid emo eyeliner wearing friends.

By chance, Cobra runs into The Academy Is… for the first time in more than a year at a Christmas party in late 2010.

“Your hair.” Is the only thing Gabe can choke out when he sees William before he runs to the bathroom, trying not to hyperventilate.

That’s not Bilvy. That’s a stranger with hair that’s too short doing a bad impression of his Bilvy. There’s no way the man out there and the skinny kid he’d seen at a Midtown show and decided he was going to marry are the same person.

Gabe suddenly realizes he’s crying and wipes his face furiously.

Fuck William Beckett. Fuck the past nearly 10 years he’d spent hung up over that kid. Gabe struts to the bar and drinks until he’s only vaguely aware of his surroundings and the only thing on his mind is his hatred for William. After he’s drunk enough, he marches up to where their two bands are hanging out after so long, and Gabe wants to throw something because it looks exactly like old times when Cobra and The Academy were stitched together at the hip. William’s laughing between Vicky and Nate, and when he sees Gabe’s expression, the smile drops off his face.

Gabe tugs him to his feet and simply says, “Fuck you, William Beckett. Fuck the past 10 years I’ve spent wanting you. Fuck every single time you’ve cum crying out my name. Fuck every ‘I love you’ that’s been passed between us.” And then he’s grabbing William’s face and kissing him, and oh god, William kisses back with desperation, but when Gabe reaches to pull a hand through his hair, it’s too short under his fingers. That makes him pull away.

Everything is too fucking different now, and all Gabe wants is 2007 back.

Then he manages to somehow get out of the crowded club, and stumbles to the bus, falling only twice in the process, muttering, “I hate him, I hate him…” under his breath.

***

Vicky’s shaking him awake, and his head pounds so fucking much that Gabe wants to scream for her to stop. The sunlight coming through the windows of the bus tells him it’s probably early afternoon, and Vicky T’s face is grim.

“You pulled quite a scene last night, Gabriel.” She says, and at that moment Gabe swears he’s never been more scared of someone in his life.

Suarez walks into the lounge and sits down next to Nate, who’s watching Gabe with an intense look on his face.

“You made him cry.” Suarez says finally.

“What did I do?” Gabe asks wearily, because he remembers nothing past crying in the bathroom, then deciding William Beckett didn’t matter.

“You drank yourself stupid and walked up to us, then said something like, ‘Fuck you, William, and fuck your hair and fuck the way I’ve wanted you for so long and fuck the way you moan my name’.” Nate says helpfully.

“And then you kissed him.” Ryland adds.

“Fuck.” Gabe whispers, sitting up. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

“And then he cried, and Vicky and Carden talked to him. He’s not pissed at you though. He said he gets it, even if none of us did.” Suarez says, and Gabe wants to smack himself but all he can do is pretend like it never happened because it hurts less that way.

***

Cobra start working on their new album, and it feels so fucking wrong, because no one from Fall Out Boy or Gym Class Heroes or The Academy Is… are there or featured on it, The people he hangs out with feel wrong too, because they’re the trashy pop people he and his Warped Tour friends used to make fun of.

Suddenly, right as they’re about to finish recording, Gabe hears the news.

The Academy Is… broke up.

Gabe spends two whole days locked in is room, not eating, definitely not sleeping, basically crying and needing with every fiber of his being for it to be 2007 again.

When he comes out, his band doesn’t say anything. A week later, they’re recording again, but Gabe wants to quit. He wants to run halfway across the country and have sex with William until everything feels okay, but instead he puts his all into touring and singing. The album comes out and he hates it.

Finally, Bianca breaks up with him a few months later because they both know their relationship isn’t going to go anywhere.

Gabe sings, and sings, and sings. He sings all the new songs onstage instead of the old ones that he sang with William so many times before.

He pushes William to the back of his mind. He gets introduced to Erin Fetherston, and he pretends her tall, skinny frame doesn’t resemble someone else’s. The first time they have sex, he cries out William’s name when he cums, and Erin just smiles sadly when he tries desperately to apologize, because she’s too nice and deserves someone better than him.

A few months later, everything is getting too serious too fast, but Gabe adapts. His purple hoodie gets tossed to the back of the closet, and he stops wearing neon. His partying slows.

He listens to William’s multiple solo EP’s and pretends “Our Story’s Already Been Told” is about him.

He proposes to Erin on a whim, and when she says yes, he pretends it’s William’s thin frame he’s hugging.

Then they’re married, and William’s first album comes out. Genuine and Counterfeit sounds nothing like The Academy Is…, and Gabe wants to burn his copy, but he doesn’t, because he still can’t do that to William, not even after all this time.

***

A month after they get married, they’re visiting some friends in Chicago when a knock comes at the door. When he opens it, it’s someone he barely recognizes but at the same time recognizes all too well.

“Well,” Gabe says, lips curling up maliciously, “Bilvy.”

William winces at the nickname. “Gabe.” He mutters softly.

“I’m kind of busy, if you didn’t know, so did you need anything?” It sounds pretentious and snarky even to Gabe himself`

It’s been 3 years since they’ve last spoken and Gabe still can’t meet his eyes.

“Gabanti, please,” William whisper, “Look at me.”

Gabe looks up from him feet.

William’s eyes are chocolate brown and they’re filled with unshed tears. They look the exact same as the kid’s that Gabe had seen at a Midtown show almost 14 years ago, the kid Gabe had toured with, the kid he’d sang with, the kid he fell in love with. Gabe can’t speak.

Then Erin sidles up next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist, and Gabe thinks he might throw up. The worst part is that this is a horrific mocking of the first time they’d met, only reversed, because the girl had been Christine and the desperate idiot had been Gabe.

William lets out a choking noise and shakes his head. “Sorry to bother you.” He mutters, and then he slips away, face glinting with tears.

“Who was that and what the hell did you say to him?” Erin asks, and Gabe wants to go get a knife from the kitchen and stab himself in the heart because even that would hurt less than what he’s feeling.

***

Then Fall Out Boy gets back together, but it’s still weird and different. Patrick’s skinny, and Pete doesn’t wear eyeliner anymore, and everything feels changed.

One night, months after he last saw William in Chicago, when Gabe’s lying awake, (he’s back to his insomniac habits again) Erin sits up and takes his hand, her face grim.

“Gabe,” she begins, “You’re a fucking mess, and if you don’t stop that tapping right now, I will go insane.” Gabe looks down and realizes he’s tapping rapidly against the headboard. He pulls his hand away.

“I want you to call William Beckett. Do it now if you have to, but do it. I want us to get a divorce, because you’re in love with William Beckett, and nothing I do will change that.”

Gabe wants to tell her she’s wrong, that he does love her, but he knows she’s right. Gabe wants desperately to be able to love her because she really is amazing, but he can’t, not while William Beckett is alive.

He nods, slowly but surely, and he gets up and walks to the kitchen. He calls the number he’d memorized so long ago. It rings. Then it rings some more.

“Hey, it’s William” the answering machine starts, and Gabe’s heart sinks when he hears another voice, “-and Genevieve!” it exclaims. “We’re not at the phone right now,” William continues, “but leave a message!” Evie giggles.

The low beep sounds, and Gabe can’t breathe.

He ends the call with shaking hands. William sounds so happy that he wants to throw up. William, his Bilvy, living life without him. Enjoying life without him. 

Gabe Saporta picks up a pencil from the counter and grabs a piece of paper from the stack he and Erin keep by the fridge.

He titles it “Bilvy”

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep, but Gabe smiles.

***

A scream echoes throughout the apartment. Erin Fetherston jumps to grab a phone and dials 911. The white tile’s they’d bought together for the kitchen floor are stained red. The knife is still lodged in his chest. On the counter is a letter.

***

_Bilvy,_

_Once upon a time, there was a man called Gabe in a band. He was playing a show when he saw the most beautiful person he’d ever seen in the crowd. He swore immediately that he’d marry the boy. The boy had a girlfriend, though, and Gabe tried hard to forget him, but he kept showing up in Gabe’s life when he least expected it. Then they got together, and maybe it was a mistake, but Gabe was ecstatic, and he swore again that he’d marry the boy. But then, the boy had a kid. Gabe’s heart broke, but he continued loving the boy until every bit of his sanity slowly slipped away. He couldn’t sleep at night without imagining the boy for years and year. Slowly, he began to forget the boy._

_But fates as strong as that don’t work that way. The boy always shows up again, and Gabe never stops loving him, even after years have passed. Even years later, he hoped. Finally, his heart hurt too much and he couldn’t take it. Maybe a knife in his heart would stop it from hurting?_

_Guillermo, William, Bilvy,_

_I love you._

_-Gabe_

William holds the letter so tightly that it starts crumpling in his grasp. The tears streaming down his face wouldn’t stop. Erin flops down next to him and gives him a teary smile.

“He really loved you, didn’t he?” she whispers, and William almost feels bad for her, because in a way, she was so much better to Gabe than he ever was.

“And I loved him.” William’s voice cracks towards the end. He folds the paper back up and tucks it into the pocket of his jacket.

“The divorce papers are finalized. He just needs to sign them.” Erin says.

The hospital’s lights are starting to get to William. They’re too sterile and white, and the whole place stinks of chemicals.

“That idiot.” Victoria says roughly from the seat across from them. She wipes her face with the back of her hand, not caring about the mascara that smears around her eyes. “He can’t even hit his own heart properly.”

Maybe it’s the chemical smell getting to his head, but William laughs through his tears.

***

Gabe can’t breathe. Everything feels heavy, and he wonders vaguely if he’s floating or drowning, because he can’t tell.

Wait, there’s nothing to be drowning in. There’s nothing.

Except… a high voice calling, “Gabe! Gabanti!” and there’s a mane of chocolate hair, and a pair of doe eyes, and long legs, and a slender frame.

There’s a boy in the middle of a crowd, swaying to the music as Gabe sings songs that he doesn’t even remember knowing. There’s the boy singing along with him, singing his own songs in a high, sweet voice, there’s the boy talking to him, kissing him, making love to him.

The boy fills up his existence, but Gabe can’t remember his name through the dark fog that’s settled in his head. Gabe pushes through the nothing until he has a word. Bilvy. William. William Beckett.

And then Gabe’s not drowning anymore, he’s flying.

***

Gabe gasps and sits up, but then winces when the movement sends paint jolting through his chest.

“Gabe?” The voice is hesitant, but he’d know it anywhere. Of course he would.

“William.” His voice sounds awful from lack of use, and he wants to cringe at how he sounds next to William.

“Gabanti, you’re a fucking idiot.”  William says in a thick voice, and Gabe gets a good look at his face.

His hair’s growing out again, and the bottom just barely touches his shoulders, and Gabe wants to reach out and touch it. William looks young with his tear streaked face.

Then his lips are on Gabe’s, and he tastes the exact same as he always does. Everything floods back into Gabe’s mind. The William he’d met at a Midtown concert, the William he’d toured with for so long, the William he’d slept with throughout two summer tours, the William he loves. This is that William.

“You fucking idiot.” William repeats against his lips, and maybe it’s the heady rush of love, but Gabe feels like he really could fly.

***


End file.
